DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just graduated from college in May, and my husband and I couldn’t be prouder of her. She has a job lined up in New York City and will be moving there in mid-August. The lease at her college apartment ends in July, and we were really hoping she would come home before starting this next chapter. We thought it would be a nice way for her to relax, regroup and spend some quality time with family before she’s off building her new life. When we suggested it, she told us she doesn’t want to come home. She said she wants to stay with some university friends until her lease is up. Honestly, this response really hurt. We’ve supported her every step of the way, and we were looking forward to having her back under our roof, even if just for a short time. I can’t help but feel like she’s trying to distance herself from us now that she’s an adult. Is it wrong to want this time with her? How do I deal with the sadness and disappointment I’m feeling without making her feel guilty? – Missing Our Daughter DEAR MISSING OUR DAUGHTER: Accepting that your daughter is independent and walking into the next stage of her life has got to be difficult. It is understandable that you long to spend a bit of time with her before she moves further away. It also makes sense that she wants to be with friends she has made in college whom she may never see again.
The internet has gotten to be a mean place. I have a Facebook author page (CarrieClassonAuthor), but folks looking for insightful comments on current events will be disappointed. I post pictures of flowers most of the time and occasional photos of my cat, Felix. It is not the place to go for cutting-edge news. Other than my photos of flowers, I don’t do much on Facebook, but I am a member of a few groups, and most of them have to do with writing.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my current job during the COVID-19 pandemic, and at that time, everyone was working from home. This year, my employer has asked that we all begin working in the office again full-time. I live over an hour away from the office, and the commute is excessive. The cost of gas continues to rise, but my salary has not changed. My supervisor is usually accommodating, but the company as a whole has suffered a bit in terms of sales revenue this year. I want to ask for a raise, or at least to be compensated for my gas now that a commute is required, but am I being insensitive to the company’s current state? – Need a Raise DEAR NEED A RAISE: This may not be the best time to make your pitch, but you, too, are suffering. You can always ask. Request a private meeting with your supervisor, ask if it is possible for you to have a gas allowance. Make sure you go in with facts: Calculate how much you’ll be spending weekly on gas, and ask for a stipend to cover that amount. That type of request will likely be more welcome than asking for a raise at this time, but if other team members are also commuting long distances, your pitch may not work. Another option might be to ask for a hybrid arrangement where you work from home a couple of days each week. To help your case, remind your boss of the ways in which you support the team and go beyond expectations whenever asked.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I have always been close, but lately our relationship has been feeling strained, and I think it has a lot to do with how she constantly compares our kids. Every time we’re together, she makes comments about how much more advanced her daughter is or how her son is better behaved. She’ll say things like, “Well, mine was already reading at that age,” or “Maybe you should try what we do, it seems to work.” Sometimes it’s subtle, but other times it feels downright competitive.