Hello again, dear readers! Welcome to a bonus letters column. This time, we’re focusing on two questions, one important and one just plain interesting, so let’s dive in.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I started making pottery as a new hobby, and I love it, but my roommate keeps making jokes about how messy it is. She calls it a “mud factory” and even moves my supplies around without asking, which makes it hard for me to focus or enjoy my work. At first, I tried to laugh it off and tell myself it’s harmless teasing, but it’s starting to get under my skin. I look forward to pottery as a way to relax and express myself, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about something that brings me joy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: About a year ago, my daughter asked if I might hire her boyfriend, who has taken a nontraditional route after high school. Instead of pursuing college, he decided to explore a trade. He’s a bright kid and a fast learner, so she thought it might work if he were my apprentice. I specialize in bathroom restoration mainly for large corporate offices, so even as an apprentice, the job pays quite well. Despite his success, I fear that his nontraditional decisions are influencing her. She took a gap year after high school, and now that she is in college, she continues to find reasons to want to leave. She thinks because her boyfriend is doing fine without a degree, she can do the same. My daughter and her boyfriend are still young. I don’t want to tell her what to do, but I don’t want her following a young man’s lead without a plan of her own. College may not be for everyone, but every adult needs a plan and some goals for their life. How can I knock some sense into her? – Off the Beaten Path DEAR OFF THE BEATEN PATH: Gently encourage your daughter to focus her lens on herself. Has she dreamed about anything that she wants to do with her life? What are some possibilities that she has considered for herself ? If she has declared a major, encourage her to talk to an adviser at her college to learn about career trajectories in that field. Perhaps she can secure an internship to expose her to work options.
Dear Doctors: My daughter suffered from hyperemesis while she was pregnant two years ago, and it was truly a miserable pregnancy. Is there a way to prevent this for future pregnancies? I understand this condition is linked to the hormone GDF-15 and read that the key is to suppress it before it begins.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined a local photography club because I wanted to meet other photographers, improve my skills and share my work in a supportive environment. Most members are great, but one person has started posting some of my photos online without my permission and giving themselves credit as the photographer. It makes me feel frustrated and disrespected, and I’m not sure how to handle it without creating conflict within the group. I don’t want to come across as overly sensitive, but I want my work to be respected and credited properly. I’ve tried subtly reminding him or commenting on posts, but it hasn’t seemed to stop the behavior. I feel anxious every time I bring new photos to the club, wondering if they’ll appear online under someone else’s name. It’s starting to make me dread sharing my work, which is supposed to be one of the main joys of joining the club. I also feel like my creativity and effort aren’t being valued, which is really discouraging.
• If you’re on the fence about buying the newest expensive gadget, consider renting it for a week instead. Digital cameras, camcorders, iPads and gaming systems can be rented by the week at many national chains, like Rent-A-Center. Return the item after a week, and then make the big investment if you really, truly need the item. Another idea: If you’re planning to throw a Super Bowl party and need a giant TV to watch the game, rent it and return it when you’re done. Most places handle delivery and pickup.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are always pulling out their phones to take photos whenever we hang out, whether it’s at dinner, a casual walk or even just hanging out at someone’s apartment. I know it’s normal these days, but I hate being in photos because I feel awkward and self-conscious in front of the camera. I never like how I look in photos, and instead of enjoying the moment, I get stressed trying to pose or wondering if I look bad. It’s gotten to the point where I sometimes dread social plans because I know a photo shoot will inevitably happen, and I feel pressure to participate so I don’t come off as antisocial or the “boring” friend.
Dear Doctors: I’ve noticed as I’m getting older – I just turned 63 – that I have more episodes of dry mouth. I’m told this isn’t unusual for older people. Why would that be? Chewing gum helps, but I don’t enjoy it. Are there things I should eat or avoid that can help this go away?
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently in the middle of a career pivot. For many years, I worked in corporate offices behind the scenes in operations. I still do that now in a more creative industry. In this role, I get to show my personal interests, style and creative capabilities a lot more. As a result, a lot of people have been telling me that I should step away from being behind the scenes and start putting myself out there. I’ve always been in a supportive role, and I worry that I’m not ready to come out of my shell. In the same breath, I know I have great potential and I’m only delaying my growth by allowing fear to guide me. Do you have any advice for someone trying to step out of their comfort zone professionally or establish their voice in a creative industry? – Comfort Zone DEAR COMFORT ZONE: Many people take public speaking or improv courses or even sing (sober) karaoke to get them to break out of their comfort zone. You might want to enroll in Toastmasters, an organization that teaches confidencebuilding and articulation. The point is to engage in ways that will help you push past your insecurities.
Traveling is inherently annoying. Even if I travel light, I have a heavy handbag, my suitcase catches on the curb, my laptop flops against my hip. Everything takes three times more energy than it seems like it should.