Dear Doctors: My boyfriend loves reading about the gut microbiome.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A family member of mine, whom I have not spoken to since we had a falling out in 2021, has recently asked to come spend a weekend with me in my new home. Although I have never been able to understand the cause of this family member’s distance and coldness toward me over the past few years, I have also made it a point not to overreact to their strange behavior.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a manager of a small remote team. One of my new team members calls into meetings from her bedroom, with a large framed photo of herself prominently displayed in the background. I have a concern about this and am unsure how to proceed. On one hand, I understand that team members are in their own private spaces on video calls and don’t need to follow certain norms. I don’t want to create an environment where everyone has to censor their home decorations in some way. At the same time, the photo in question is quite personal and revealing, and it does have an effect on the environment of the meeting. I feel uncomfortable about it and am concerned about what it conveys to the rest of the team, especially as it comes from a position of power within the team.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a first-year undergrad student, and I’m lucky to have lived a relatively privileged life with little difficulty or challenge. For one of my elective courses, we are required to write a story about a hardship we have had to overcome and share it with the class. While I appreciate this type of personal writing assignment, I have never experienced a great difficulty that would merit such a story. My classmates’ stories have been difficult to hear. Many of them are much more mature and experienced in life than I am, and they have dealt with some truly devastating circumstances. I don’t feel comfortable making up a hardship, so I don’t know what to do. I would like to avoid looking insensitive, but at the same time, I feel like a fraud writing a story I can’t really relate to. Can you give me advice on how to handle this situation in the most sensitive and appropriate way? — Privileged DEAR PRIVILEGED: Do you know of a hardship that someone you love has experienced? Perhaps you can tell that story along with your own. You can admit in your story that you have led a privileged life. As a young person, you have yet to experience some of the things that your fellow classmates have endured. Admit that this makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes privilege can do that to a person. Then share something you have observed or are aware of from your neighborhood, your school, your community growing up. Tell that person’s story from your perspective; write about what you learned about the person and their situation and how it made both that person and you feel. Offer that you imagine that as your life progresses, you will witness more hardship and likely have some of your own. But today, what you have more than anything is empathy for people who have endured tremendous difficulty. Tell the truth. That’s all you can do.