DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very introverted, and I find it challenging to find my footing when I’m in group settings. I recently moved to a new city and have been trying to build up my social network, but I’m struggling to make genuine connections because of my introversion. When I am one-on-one with a person, I feel more comfortable, but as soon as another person gets added to the mix, I become the third wheel. I often find myself on the sidelines, watching everyone else interact without participating in the conversations. It feels like everyone around me effortlessly engages in jokes and storytelling; meanwhile, I struggle to insert myself into the flow of conversation. By the time I think of something to say, the topic has usually changed, and I miss my chance to contribute. This leaves me feeling isolated and somewhat invisible, despite being physically present. I want to break out of my shell and find ways to engage more confidently in group interactions. Is introversion something that I can change about myself, or is it something that may stay with me forever? – Don’t Want To Be Introverted DEAR DON’T WANT TO BE INTROVERTED: I have spoken to a number of people who consider themselves to be introverts who have “overcome” their inability to engage in the ways that concern you. One successful CEO told me that she prepares in advance so that she has a few key topics she wants to discuss when she is speaking with others in social settings. That helps her not to be flat-footed in awkward moments. She also admits that she uses a tremendous amount of energy to be engaging when in the company of others and needs quiet recovery time later.
