Lost in the pre-holiday rush to send unprecedented criminal referrals of a former president to the Justice Department, overshadowed by the effort during a global conference in Montreal to make progress on climate change, eclipsed by the late-season struggle to determine football playoff spots, and missed in the end-of-session sprint to complete congressional business was an important marker in the culture wars on religion and race in America. Ulysses S. Grant is getting a battlefield promotion.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend invited me to go on a trip with him next month. I spent most of my extra money on holiday gifts and travel. I cannot afford to spend extra money on a trip before I recoup some of my expenditures from Christmas. How do I tell him this without making him think I'm asking him to pay my way or making myself look poor? I'm not poor. I just wasn't planning on traveling for a while. — Taking a Trip DEAR TAKING A TRIP: Talk to your boyfriend about this. Tell him how you planned out your end of year and that you do not have any extra money to take another trip in the first quarter of 2023. Make it clear that you would love to travel with him. Ask him if you can delay the trip until you are financially ready. If he says he is happy to pay for it, make it clear that you do not have any disposable dollars to add to the vacation. Tell him you would feel more comfortable if you could contribute to the excursion. If he insists, reinforce the point that he will have to foot the entire bill.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been making the same dumb mistakes in relationships since I was a young woman. Now I am in my 30s, and it's getting old. I just can't seem to pick someone who will treat me right. It's not for lack of trying, either. I have cast my net pretty wide, but somehow I always seem to end up with someone who doesn't want what I want. What can I do differently? — Want a Man DEAR WANT A MAN: If you have been doing the same thing time and again, it's time to do something different. How can you figure out what to do? Start by making a written list of the character traits, goals and behaviors that you want in a partner. Be specific about everything, including fidelity, hygiene, family engagement, job or career path, credit score, home ownership, debt, desire for children, and anything else that comes to mind.

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