DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have recently made a decision that's caused tension in our family, particularly with our 22-year-old daughter. She now has a stable full-time job, so we've decided to cut off her financial support completely. Understandably, she's extremely upset about this. We've always striven to provide for her and support her in every way possible. However, we've reached a point where we feel it's time for her to become fully independent and take control of her finances. We believe that by cutting off her financial support, she'll learn valuable lessons about responsibility and self-reliance. While we stand by our decision, we're struggling with how to handle our daughter's emotional reaction. She feels betrayed and abandoned, which breaks our hearts. Is there a way to ease her distress while still standing firm in our decision? — Independence DEAR INDEPENDENCE: My question is whether this move was sudden. Did you discuss your plan with her so that she could prepare? Did you help her to think about the time when she would become independent so that she could evaluate her life and decide how to move forward as an independent adult? If not, you failed to do an important part of your job. You say that in the past you have provided for her in 'every way possible.' That suggests that she has not had to be uncomfortable about money, experience the need to budget or make choices based on how much money she has, etc.